Waking up and getting up are a challenge. Every morning I just want to lie in bed. Depression? Maybe....Although I don't know why...I feel happy sometimes, but not real happiness, just the kind that you put on for the day so others don't think you're weird. I don't call back my friends, I don't initiate conversations....I don't even want to be anywhere but at home. I feel like crying most of the time. I get mad at the kids easier. I don't even want to admit that there is an issue because I feel bad enough already for my family feeling bad for me! Shawn is probably stressed too but I don't want to even ask about that for fear that if he is stressed I will be more stressed!
I'm supposed to go back to work in less than a month, but yet I know I don't feel right yet. I have afternoon naps and go to bed way earlier than I used to. I get up later too. I have an appointment tomorrow to talk about the different meds. Do I want to inject myself one a week or once a day? I think off hand the once a day med is better but I would rather only have to stick myself once a week.
Oh and then there's Christmas!! I love Christmas... I do. That probably is least worrisome for me because everyone will be home then and I won't be so alone and have so much time to think.
People are always asking how I'm doing and for once I would like to say "GREAT"! I feel like I'm always being negative. "Oh all right. Getting better. Ah. Ok."
I just feel like a different person. Usually I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kinda person. It takes a lot to bother me. Now I feel like I'm the negative, no fun, always worried kinda person. And I don't like it. I just don't know how to fix it.