Monday, 23 September 2013

The Things I Know

Sunday was a good day.  I had two people who came up to me and told me I looked great!  Yup that was a nice way to start the day! LOL  But that wasn't the only reason it was a good day...I realized or was reminded of some truths that I know.  What are those truths?  God made me. Well duh you say!?  No but God made ME!  As an individual he put thought and effort into making me!  And I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Psalm 139:14. 

This isn't something that I often think about, but even this wasn't what struck me the most.  God has a plan and purpose for my life.  What is that?  Right now I don't know.  But here's the kicker...His plans for my life NEVER changed just because mine did..........He gave me talents and gifts and I still have a life that belongs to him.  I don't know what that plan is, but I need to prepare myself for it and search for what God wants me to do. 

I've put limits on myself.  Being apprehensive to commit to things because I'm afraid I will let people down.  That I'll have bad days or weeks and will have to back out of those commitments.  I've never let this disease tell me I can't do something at all but I have let it stop me from making anything a permanent decision because of the "what ifs".  I need to ask God what he wants me to do and trust that that is the best plan for my life.  My gut tells me that it's something more than going back to work to just make money so we can have more stuff, but then again maybe that's just my desire right now.

I also know one more thing and that is through Jesus I have can have peace.  That is something that no person can give me. 

Philippians 4:7 NLT
Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Thursday, 5 September 2013

Am I Going Back To Work?

This time last year I was a couple days away from having my life change.  This time last year I was at school with my colleagues, sending my kids off to school for another school year, enjoying the last of summer.  But two days later I ended up in the hospital for a week, had surgery to have my gall bladder removed only to wake up with numb fingers, which quickly escalated into what I now know as a major MS relapse.  A month later I had an official diagnosis and it's never been the same since. 

It's this time of year that I was dreading.  Hearing the never ending questions of "Are you going back to work?", "When are you going back to work?".  The answer always was I'm not, now I'm at the point of I don't think so.  It's stressful.  To have to think you may HAVE to go back, but then on one hand thinking how would that even be possible?  What's worse is the feeling like I need to explain to everyone why I'm not there.  I look normal.  I really wish there was something you could see, something to separate me from the rest of society.  I'm tired of explaining, tired of trying to come up with some answer that sounds legit enough to answer everyone's own judgment and opinion.  It's not that I don't want people to care, but ask IF you care, not because you need an answer to fill your never-ending curiosity.  It's not something I can explain and if my own family has a hard time comprehending it I doubt I'll be able to have a sufficient answer for the general public.