Friday, 19 April 2013

Great Support

I am so thankful to have such a great support system.  I have my family who is with me every step of the way, and many friends who have helped along the way.  Just yesterday I was with an awesome group of ladies.  They have all signed up to participate in the MS walk and are great encouragers for me.

Just the other day a lady from our church saw the kids at school and gave 2 of them money for the MS walk and told how great it was that they were taking part in it.  It's the little things that count.  Hearing words of encouragement given to my kids is a small thing to do but means so much.

I also got to go away last weekend with Shawn and another couple we know, while my mother-in-law stayed with the kids.  It was really nice to get away for a bit.  Just to have time to do whatever we wanted and not think about all the daily stresses.

Having support is crucial!  And this communtity has been fantastic. You know the saying that when you go through hard times you find out who your true friends are?  Well I am soooo happy that the people who I thought were my friends really are!!   When I am down or struggling I have people to turn to.  What a lucky lady I am :)

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Mountain Tops and Valleys

It's been a pretty awesome week!  I really have had a productive, feeling good, past few days.  Yesterday not so much but that was cause I had a LONG weekend.  Not really used to getting up at 6:00am for 2 days in a row. LOL  I took some steroids right before spring break and it's too bad they didn't have their full effect until after the break was over, but having said that, I now am doing pretty darn good:) 

As great as I feel, there is unfortunately always a downside.  Always some lasting remnants of the relapse.  This time it's not too noticeable, but still present.  The front of my legs, (shin area) is losing it's sensitivity.  I wouldn't say it's completely numb but there is a lack of sensation.  If I rub it or shave my legs I can't feel it.  And there is a bit of numbness in my toes, but mostly at the tips and not on all of them. 

I did go for a walk the other day.  It wasn't very long, only to the Subway.  But as I was walking my feet and legs got number and number.  When I got there I sat down and my whole legs tingled.  They tingled for a good 2 hours after.  That wasn't something I had expected and it didn't last but just something new to get used to. 

Having said that I am still feeling decently good.  It's nice to feel excited and happy about life again.  I didn't realize how low I was til I was able to look at the valley from the mountain top.  I know more valleys are coming but right now I'm going to enjoy the view.

God graciously gives us mountain top experiences so we are able to navigate the many valleys in our lives, not so we can stay on the mountain. So, cherish these mountain top experiences, and draw from them in the valleys.  (Saw this and thought it was pretty fitting.)

Monday, 1 April 2013

Not Worrying About Perceptions

I just came back from a week long trip to Thompson.  I went there with the kids and my parents to go for a visit and to just "take a break".  As we drove the 10 hour trip, I had a lot of time to think.  On the middle of highway 6, in the middle of nowhere, I had a moment of "clarity", if that's what you can call it.  This moment basically came like the flip of a switch, but it was so clear....

I still have a life to live....

That was it.  I thought about it and as simple as it seems it was an epiphany for me.  God still has a plan for my life.  I am still here, things are different, but I'm still here.  And as soon as I realized that small and simple thought I felt joy spark.  Joy that I have not felt in a long time.  Why?  Because I made the huge step of acceptance.  It's like the moment an alcoholic finally admits they have a problem.  I finally accepted the fact that I have MS.  I have MS and it's not going to go away.  Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, I will always have MS.  Every day will be a choice.  Do I live in sorrow and self pity or do I choose to do things to the best of my ability?  Am I ready to do the things God is calling me to do? 

I don't often worry too much about what people think, but I have been struggling with this.  What if people see me and I am doing something that they think I shouldn't be able to do?  Will they think, why is she not working?  She doesn't look that bad.  If she can do (blank) why can't she do (blank)?  I guess it seems a lot more personal now.  The thing is...if I worry about what everyone else is thinking or saying, am I doing what I am being called to do?  Am I living my life to the fullest, or am I living it with boundaries set by others?

I want to tell you a small story of what just recently came about.  I came back from my trip and Shawn proceeds to tell me that he found out "through the grapevine"  that it was a struggle to get a bakesale up and running  for our family a couple of months back.  This bakesale was inspired by a friend who knew things were a bit of a struggle at the time.  EI had run out, I just started paying for medicine, we had a couple of hockey tournaments booked and just needed to get through a couple of months before income tax, and hopefully by then LTD would be kicked in and things would be okay.  Well for whatever reason the bakesale never happened, but we did find out that the perception can be "well they still have their kids in hockey so it can't be that bad".  Wow!  What do you say to that?  I knew there was talk but to hear it first hand is tough.  Hockey is prepaid, and why would I take the one thing that is still normal for my kids away?  Everything in their life has changed as well and this provides some sense of normalcy to it.  And no we aren't struggling forever, but yes this period of time was rough due to circumstances.  Well thankfully God still provided!  We had received financial support from a couple of people, we came home one day to find our counter full of groceries, and I went to the pharmacy to pay for medicine only to find out that we had hit our Pharmacare deductible and things were free until April!! 

What I want to say is that God knew our needs, and there were people who decided to trust God in what he was telling them to do, and I need to be ready to do what God is calling me to do.  If that means that people talk so be it.  I have a life to live and I have many good things I can still be doing. I'm encouraging you to do the same thing in your life.  Don't get caught up in perceptions, because only God knows the whole story.  Do what God is calling YOU to do, because He knows what He is doing and knows the outcome even before you do.  Who may even be a blessing in disguise to someone else... if you can let Him worry about how to use your blessing.