Thursday, 21 March 2013

More Steroids

I've been very fortunate to have my parents out for the past week.  I think it has helped lift my spirits in the sense that I am not at home by myself all the time with too much time to think.  I guess having my kids home for an extra 2 days because of storm days has helped a bit too. LOL

Unfortunately my symptoms haven't gone away and are starting to get slightly worse.  My left leg is pretty weak and the buzzing down my back returned yesterday evening.  I can even feel a bit of "fuzziness" in my lips.

 I have talked to the MS clinic over the past week and had to go for a urine test, because apparently a bladder infection can cause symptoms, however that came back negative.  They called again yesterday to see if things had improved but with the current prognosis things are looking a little bleak.  I was told that most relapses last 2-3 weeks.  I wish!!  Mine have lasted more like 3-4 months!  Last time I took steroids via IV for 5 days after I had had symptoms for about 7 weeks.  This time it has been 3 weeks and based on things still deteriorating I opted for taking steroids again.  Especially since I am heading to Thompson for Spring Break with my parents. 

So today I started on 1250mg of Prednisone.  I am taking 25 pills per day!  Thankfully it's only for 3 days!  Hopefully this helps and the inflammation goes down within the next week or two.  It would be nice to be able to feel the ground properly again and not feel like I'm going to fall over or have my leg give out on me every time I need to go somewhere.

Monday, 11 March 2013

It's not a "Dip"

It's not a "dip".  Last night was tough.  I wanted to throw something, hit something, scream.  Trying to ignore the truth doesn't make it so.  I'm relapsing....again.  It's just a lot more gradual this time.  If I think about the last time it was gradual too, but I was recovering from surgery and just didn't really process all of that until now.  I just don't know that I can do this.  4 bad months to 2.5 good months is not exactly my favourite ratio.  I'm just so mad and sad and trying not to shut down...

Friday, 8 March 2013

Overcoming Fear

Another new experience. I'm not entirely sure what I would call this. A "dip" maybe? It was weird because it was so gradual. I'm not sure if this is part of the whole new life so to speak or if this is the start of a relapse. Maybe it will go away and that will be that. Or maybe it progresses. Only time will tell I guess. My feet have been numb and my legs tingly. Almost like a slight vibrating...and it's almost constant. It's been like this for about a week. And I have been more tired than usual.

I'm not sure what else to say other than I am really trying to not live in fear. So much is unknown and I have been working through a lot emotionally. The past couple of days have been better, but there is still a long way to go and I know that I will still be dealing with this once everyone else has long forgotten. But God never forgets me and He doesn't give me a spirit of fear.

"God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind."  2nd Tim 1:7

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10