Tuesday, 25 June 2013


In 2 more days I find myself at the end of yet another school year.  The difference this time is that I have not worked.  It has been almost a year other than 3 days in September when I thought I would be going back.  I'm not sure I'm used to the idea or not.  There are many good things but the inner struggle of not having the option to go back is hard.  I find myself wishing it could somehow work out, but then thankful that I get to be here for my boys.  It's just that in some ways I feel like things haven't changed that much from a year ago.  I'm still struggling with this whole thing and I feel like I should be past it. Will there ever come a time when it isn't hard? 

We are going on a vacation for a couple of weeks and just the apprehension of being well enough to go and wondering how I'm going to get through the longer days that require lots of walking are worrisome.  I just don't want to screw it up by not feeling well or not being able to handle the days.  I also realize that I hate the hot weather.  Hate it.  The "experts" talk about an intolerance to heat and to some extent I knew it was an issue but after being outside for a brief time yesterday, I'd have to say that Shawn is right.  I definitely can't handle the heat like before.

Overall I'd say I'm just very anxious to go.  Shawn has been working long hours and Saturdays just so we can take this trip, but it's one that we need.  We just need to get away and relax and have fun together as a family.  That's why I am really afraid of ruining it by getting sick.  It's been a while since the last relapse and I know another one is coming...but when?

1 comment:

  1. Hi!
    I so hear you on this! Every time we go away or start something new in our lives I worry that I will crash and ruin it. Especially a few years ago when we went out east. But we schedule some rest time in for me at least every other day -even if that means that Josh and the kids go do something and I just watch or stay back. That seems to be enough generally and helps take the pressure off- which is a big help! It's not ideal to miss things, but it's reality.
    As to the accepting of reality, I don't think it particularily gets less hard, but you get more used to the hard and it's not quite so raw and all-consuming. Somewhere along the way I actually have forgotten what it felt like to be healthy, and while that's just pathetic and sad, it's also helpful. Not that there arn't times where something comes up and I have to mourn it again.
    Praying you have a great vacation!!