In 2 more days I find myself at the end of yet another school year. The difference this time is that I have not worked. It has been almost a year other than 3 days in September when I thought I would be going back. I'm not sure I'm used to the idea or not. There are many good things but the inner struggle of not having the option to go back is hard. I find myself wishing it could somehow work out, but then thankful that I get to be here for my boys. It's just that in some ways I feel like things haven't changed that much from a year ago. I'm still struggling with this whole thing and I feel like I should be past it. Will there ever come a time when it isn't hard?
We are going on a vacation for a couple of weeks and just the apprehension of being well enough to go and wondering how I'm going to get through the longer days that require lots of walking are worrisome. I just don't want to screw it up by not feeling well or not being able to handle the days. I also realize that I hate the hot weather. Hate it. The "experts" talk about an intolerance to heat and to some extent I knew it was an issue but after being outside for a brief time yesterday, I'd have to say that Shawn is right. I definitely can't handle the heat like before.
Overall I'd say I'm just very anxious to go. Shawn has been working long hours and Saturdays just so we can take this trip, but it's one that we need. We just need to get away and relax and have fun together as a family. That's why I am really afraid of ruining it by getting sick. It's been a while since the last relapse and I know another one is coming...but when?