I realized something the past couple of nights. I go to sleep afraid. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night and when I wake up in the morning I check....check to make sure I can feel everything properly. I wake up in the middle of the night and many times my hand is numb from the way I sleep. (I think this happens more just because the circulation is having difficulties as it is.) Having said that I stay afraid for those brief moments until I start having feeling back.
The longest I have gone without relapsing is 2 and a half months. In 3 weeks I will be at that point....I don't want to go back there yet. I'm not ready.