Independence

I would probably describe myself as strong willed, opinionated, and independent.  I haven't ever had to really depend on someone before.  I like to be able to do things on my own, and my way. I grew up the youngest of 6, with my siblings being only brothers.  My youngest brother is 5 years older with oldest being 13 years older.  My mom went to work when we moved to Thompson.  I was 8 years old.  She started working full time when I was in grade 6. I've always been sort of "on my own" and I'm okay with that.  Obviously that's my personality as well but even after being married, Shawn worked a lot.  16 hour days a lot of the time, and we had little kids.  We've moved a lot and now finally seem to settling in.

After being diagnosed with MS I found it hard not to be busy. It's easier being a stay at home mom when the kids are little and you feel purpose.  I found it hard to stay at home and starting a cafe was a way to make me feel productive as well as be a part of fulfilling a dream of Shawn's.  I hate the feeling that we can't continue because I can't do enough.  I hate that it's me who can't fill the gaps and make it work.  His dream is falling apart because I can't help the business grow. He can't rely on me to help and I can't help and be independent in running this because of my health. That is a huge pill to swallow.  If I could hang on just a while longer. If I could make it through a day and be productive at home. If I could just be normal...his dream of owning a restaurant would be reality.  Instead I've failed at helping him. My fault or not.  His dream comes to an end.