What a weird feeling. To know that I was going to purposely miss a dose. It felt like I was sneaking out of the house past curfew.
We pulled out of the driveway and down the street I realized that I actually had forgotten to pack them. I told Shawn and we decided not to go back for them. I was feeling guilty, yet relieved at the same time.
Taking the medicine makes me tired. It makes me function at an even slower rate. I finally feel like myself two days after but by then it's time to take the next dose. So I usually end up with a good afternoon and evening and then start the process again. This weekend I was tired. But I had fun and got through Saturday which was the longest day. We shopped and by supper I was done but I knew that would happen which is why we planned for a movie that night. Also, I got to sleep in on Sunday because checkout wasn't until noon.
I slept part of the way home and then until noon again today. And now I took the meds again. I told Shawn I don't want to take them. He told me I had to because I don't want to end up crippled. My response was that I'm living that way already. When I'm too tired body wise to accomplish anything. When it takes so much preparation to plan a day.
I know it's not the same but it makes me angry. For some reason I want to throw in the towel with the meds and just live the best I can. It's like getting the short end of the stick either way. Just one takes longer to get. Do I want to risk more severe issues in the end to live a better life now? Or do I live with the limitations now and still get to live? What if I don't take the meds and I'm no worse off in the end? Only God knows the answer to that question though.
The best example I can think of is the cancer patient who doesn't want treatment so they can live the next two years because they just want to live the next 6 months of their life to the fullest. Not with all of these limitations and feeling crappy. I know mine is not to that extreme but the idea feels the same. When do I want to grab the short stick? Now? Or later?
I heard you had a great time on your little get-away. So glad. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you take one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteBrenda
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Delete*I deleted this at first, but decided to re-post it Charis.
ReplyDeleteThese are difficult questions Charis.
Answers are easy to give when you are on the outside or don't see the full range of feelings and life you live. I'll pray though God continues to reveal His purpose for you and where that leads. Life is tough and will pose challenges for all of us eventually in one way or another or to one degree or another. I have found when stumped or feeling in the pits, challeneged or unsure (Not to compare of course); the same residual answer tends to be simple and true. Fight.
Love you- Always praying for you.
Gene