Acceptance

The diagonis is official. I have multiple sclerosis.....I called the doctor this morning to find out if they had my results and the nurses transferred me to him because he wasn't with a patient.  I was also looking to see if he could give me something for my symptoms since they aren't subsiding, but slowly getting worse.  The doctor told me all of my bloodwork came back normal or negative and that the MRI showed new lesions on my brain.  He then told me that this "confirms our diagnosis of MS".  I was told to start meds at the hospital today and go for them intravenously for 3-5 days.

Wow was that hard to hear!  I knew it would be, I just didn't know how hard it actually would be.  I went to my bedroom and cried harder than I have ever cried before.  Thankfully my oldest Cole was at a sleepover and the two younger  ones were downstairs completely oblivious of what was going on right now. In that moment I finally asked God "why"?  Why couldn't He make it better?  He makes people better all the time.  Why not me?  I know all of the Sunday school anwers, that God has a plan and He works for the good of those that love Him...yada yada yada.  I wasn't feeling a whole lot of comfort right then and there, I was feeling hopeless.  Like any small thread of hope was gone.  It was so final when I heard those words! 

Anyways soon after, Shawn took me to the hospital and I got some meds intravenously and if the symptoms aren't getting better by Monday then I need to go see the neurologist again.  I have an IV in my hand until that is done and it is not very comfortable :)

I am writing to you now because...well...I can't sleep.  I'm not even tired.  So when I say today I mean October 19th.  

I have had plenty of time to think and pray tonight and I do feel comfort resting in God's peace.  He is stronger than I am and I need to lean on Him right now for everything.  I know some of you reading this don't know what I am talking about but I pray that one day you do.  And I thank eveyone for the indescribable amount of support you have shown me!  I really do feel overwhelmed.  I have heard from many people whom I have lost contact with, those I don't talk to on a regular basis and new people all together!  So thank you, thank you, thank you!  I try to respond to everyone but it has been really overwhelming (in a good way), but please know that I have read EVERY SINGLE post or letter you have sent.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”