I finally feel kinda normal. Like I'm finally not constantly being being looked at with a label. Saying to people that I have MS still is awkward to say, but I don't have to say it often. And when people ask how I'm doing, I feel like it's a normal everyday question. Like they aren't talking about my disease anymore. I don't want people to forget but I want them to remember when it counts. The times that it matters, or when it's been a while and they are genuinely concerned.
I don't think I've gotten over the hurdle of complete acceptance and moving forward, nor do I think I can reach that point until I know this medication will be the right one. In about a month from now I will have a clearer picture. I will know if my lymph count has climbed back up or if it dropped. I'm thankful I haven't gotten sick and that I've been relapse free for almost 5 months now. But it's scary at the same time. My pattern has for the past 3 years to get sick about every 6-7 months. And once again we approach that time and just when I feel like I'm a bit normal I don't want to go back to being the sick mom, wife, friend. I want you to be able to ask "How's it going?", without a look in your eye or me having to answer "not great". And I don't want to have to try and figure out a new medical treatment plan. I just want to be able to move forward, 'cause once again I'm daring to get hopes up that you can keep seeing me as normal. This next blood test is a half way mark and I want to keep moving forward so in a 6 months from now I can tell you I completed a full lap. And then I can keep moving forward instead of going back to the start.
